Animals ~ And Their Love

I am a huge animal lover! My whole family is for that matter. Well, except for my precious 13 year old daughter, she really doesn't see the need for pets.
This week, for whatever reason, I saw just how important pets really are, and quite possible why God gave them to us.
My favorite animals are dogs, cats, and horses. I love animals I can cuddle. The boys in our household love the reptiles (which, to me, are NOT pets!) So, to make all of us happy, we have a little of everything, well, just about everything. Dogs, a cat, a snake, chickens, and we used to have turtles, fish, and a bird. We even have a small dog kennel business in which we board dogs. So, yes, we love animals.
A couple of days ago I had the privilage of going horse back riding with some dear friends of mine. I grew up with a horse, and boy have I missed it. Over the past few years I have told myself (and my husband) that I didn't want another one. "I don't have time for one", "their too much work", "their too expensive". WHO AM I KIDDING?! I miss it SO bad!
When I walked into the horse barn the other day, and took a great big wiff of that aroma (no, it is not a smell), it was like my whole body relaxed. My friends refer to horses as "therapy", and I know that all too well. Growing up, my horse, Dee, knew absolutely everything! She would listen to me cry my heart out to her, and I know she understood me. She definitely was my therapist. Somehow, spending time with her made everything better. And I found myself feeling that way the other day. I walked out of the barn with my friend to go get the horses and bring them into the barn to get saddled up. I was on cloud nine. The feeling of walking up to such a majestic animal, being face to face with him, and putting that halter and lead on him and leading him into the barn, it amazes me how such a large animal can have instant trust. Walking him back to the barn brought me right back to a time when I was leading my Dee from the pasture into the barn and something spooked her. She startled, which knocked me face down in the dirt, and she took off for the barn, her hoof nearly missing my head. So that "instant trust" is not to be taken lightly. They are still a very powerful animal.
So into the barn we went, got our horses all saddled up, and off we went for a glorious ride. I felt so relaxed, even though my friends warned me that my horse was capable of "sassing" me. That really didn't bother me. Even when he did, indeed, sass me later on, I was fine. But do know what struck me as I was riding this gorgeous animal through God's amazing world? Let me try and explain it.
Here I was, on top of this 1,000 pound horse (give or take a few pounds)guiding him where I wanted him to go, and enjoying every minute of it. However, in the back of my mind, I needed to remember that at any given moment, this large animal could very well choose to do what he wanted to do, whether I tried to stop him or not. Even though it "appeared" I had complete control over him, I really needed to be aware of what might be "around the corner". For example, there was a time, years ago, when I was sitting on the barn floor, painting my Dee's hooves, getting ready for a show. Now, remember, I had COMPLETE trust in my horse, so, mind you, her leg/hoof was positioned right between my legs as I was diligantly painting away. Yes, I felt that relaxed with her. That day I learned just how mighty she was when a fly landed on her leg, started biting her and she went to get rid of it by lifting her leg and stomping it down. Yup, my hand was between her hoof and the floor. And, yes, I was off to the ER! Another time I was riding her and,again, something spooked her, and she took off. I accidently dropped a reign, so there was no way of stopping her. All I could do was hang on, knowing she would eventually stop. In the barn. And that is exactly what happened. Sure I was scared. I had no control of her. I was cringing. I thought, if I fall off, it WILL hurt. But you know what? I didn't fall off. And you know what else? My finger healed fine. Well, it's a tad flatter than the other ones, but for the most part....
All of these thoughts, reflections and feelings have reminded me of my life with God. You see, He is so mighty and so powerful, yet He loves us so tenderly. He does, in fact, give us some control over our lives by giving us choices. Or free will. However, no matter what we might do to look like we have complete control over our lives, God, at any given moment, reminds us that He, indeed, is the one in complete control. We might get stepped on, fall off, feel like we are on some wild ride, but God is always the one holding the reigns. We might cringe sometimes as to what might come our way, but in the end, we find ourselves okay. That the pain only lasted for a short time, and that God has given us the ability to climb right back in the saddle and enjoy the ride. Yes, when it comes to horseback riding, I definitely do not want to let go of the reigns. However, when it comes to my life, God may gladly have them. Why? Because I know, without a doubt, in the end, I will be just fine!
One more animal story that happened this week that reminded me of God. We have two pugs in the house. One, Annabelle, is my princess, and everyone in the house knows that. She can do no wrong. Well, at least in my eyes. The other one, Matrix, is not so good. In fact, I very much dislike him, and everyone in the house knows that! And he knows it too! However, the other day, I sat down on the dining room floor, called him over to me, and wouldn't you know he came running over curled up in my lap. He knows I don't like him, yet he showed me love. Dogs have such unconditional love for us, don't they?
And isn't that just like our Father? There may be days that we just really do not like Him. In fact, there are days that we just down right hate Him. We fight Him. We want those reigns and complete control! But no matter how much we fight Him, He shows us unconditional love. He always has his arms stretched out wide, waiting for us to run to him. And when we do, He wraps those arms around us so tightly that all we can feel is that unconditional love.
I think this is why I love animals so much. I truly believe God has given them to us so that we can catch but a small glimpse of His love for us. His unconditional love. I pray you, too, will always know God's amazing love as well!

God bless!

"PUKE!"

So I looked up the definition for puke, and it referred me to vomit. This is one of the definitions: "to cast out or eject as if in vomiting; send out forcefully or violently".
So why in the world am I starting out my blog like this? Especially since it has been FOREVER since I have written anything? Because that is exactly what I am about to do. I am using my blog to "puke" out everything that is bottled up inside of me. So if you are not in the mood to "hear" me whine, than don't read this. But I am about to explode, so I am forcefully casting out my thoughts!
I am so weary! I have had it with everything in this household being left up to me. The cleaning, the cooking, the laundry, the picking up, the running here, there and everywhere! The bedtime, the disciplining, the getting everyone out the door on time! I'm tired of my husband being so busy with all HIS stuff that it feels like everything if left up to ME. (Now, before anyone goes and starts some nasty rumor about me and Jim, our marriage is wonderful. In fact, he is reading this very blog.)I just wish he wasn't so pre-occupied.
And if I hear about one more woman my age and in my position talk about how wonderful it is that her mom or sister can help out with the kids, or cleaning her house, or doing laundry, I am going to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!! Hello!!! I don't have a sister to help me. And my mom??? YEA RIGHT!!! I'm alone!
And speaking of my mom. I was feeling so exhausted tonight, that for a fleeting moment, I thought about picking up the phone to call my mom. Just to talk to someone and vent. That thought was so short lived. First of all, she would never understand. Second of all, the chances of her answering and sounding "normal" are slim. I don't need to deal with that right now. Oh how I wish I had a "normal" mom to talk to. Who could understand me. Who was there for me. Why??
Our family is getting ready to go on vacation. I have been busy getting everyone ready and packed. I have been putting off getting out my summer clothes from last year. Hmm....I wonder why? (You didn't think I was going to leave out THIS part of my life, did you?) So I bit the bullet tonight and took out my summer clothes. NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING, fits. At all! Oh, wait, my underwear still fits. Not sure how. So I guess SOMETHING fits. Kind of.
I have my suitcase open and not a frickin' thing to put in it. Excuse my language. I am insanely frustrated! I'm sure you may be saying, "so why don't you exercise?" I don't WANT to exercise. I exercised so much when I was dealing with my eating disorder that I don't want to exercise. I don't feel like it.
And speaking of feelings. This weekend is Easter. My family is coming over for Easter. My daughters dress needed some alterations. My house needs major cleaning. I need to make something to feed them. For crying out loud, it's Easter! The time we celebrate the rising of my Lord and Savior! The emotions should be overwhelming for me right now. Sadness because of what Jesus did for me, rejoicing because of what my Savior did for me. But I'm numb right now. Too much to do. To much to think about. Um, I think I know of someone else who felt like me. Martha. All she wanted was to make everything perfect for her Savior. But Mary didn't care about anything. She just wanted to be by her Savior.
I wonder if Martha also worried about her appearance. Did she worry about what size she was? I don't think Mary did. I bet she was content with how she looked.
Wait! What am I saying! Women wore robes for heaven sake! Nothing form fitting, or revealing there! Hmm...maybe us women could start a new fashion trend. Just saying.
Oh, and one more thing. I am so tired of being so hard on myself. I hear myself saying ever day, "your not good enough", "no one really likes you", "people think your odd", "your not a good enough mom/wife/friend"...oh how the list could go on and on. Do you know who incredibly mentally tiring it is trying to fight off those thoughts? I know it is the devil. He knows my weaknesses. My God is stronger. But I am so weary Lord.
I found a verse in Zephaniah. Hear what God says: "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (3:17) Isn't that great?! I LOVE it! He delights in me! Even when I am crabby and complaining and frustrated and "puking" all over? Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." So, yup! God loves me and delights in me. No matter what.
So I started on a slightly nasty note. Why not end on a slightly nasty note.
You know how much better you feel after you finally puke? Well, that's how I feel right now. So much better. But without the nasty aftertaste!