Wow, it has been quite a while since I have sat down to write a new post for my blog. I have so often thought of doing it, but never gave myself the time to do it. Ah, time....I sure could use a lot more of it. :)
I feel like I have so much to write about. So much is swirling through my mind. Of course, part of me, okay, most of me, is thinking why I should even write anything. After all, aren't people getting sick and tired of hearing me "complain" about the same thing over and over and over? Well, I guess that was the point of my blog. To vent, per say, about my struggles. So, with that being said, I guess I am going to vent.
I met with my counselor last week and she asked me, "So, where is E.D. right now?" (remember Eating Disorder). I confidently answered that he was not here. Well, he was trying, but I wasn't letting him. Apparently that is all it took for him, because it seems like he has been talking louder and louder lately. I am dreading going through my winter clothes because none of them are going to fit. NONE! I'm sure you can about guess what E.D. is telling me about that one! I am so tired of this! When is he going to just leave me alone? When am I going to see myself the way others see me? When am I going to stop caring about what size I am? When am I going to stop worrying about what other people think of me? WHEN AM I GOING TO BE PERFECT? Doesn't it seem like that is what I am saying? I mean, seriously! God made me exactly how I am, inside and out! And He knows I am not perfect. Thank you God for that! Nor will I be perfect until I stand before my King. So when am I going to get a grip?
Ah, that feels good to just vent. To get it off my chest.
There is another side to this "when" in my life. It is a good side. I wonder when God is going to give me permission to stand before others and encourage them with my life story? I have such a passion to tell other women about the REAL me. To let them know what I have been through. The heartaches and tears of my childhood. The tears and agony of struggling with an eating disorder. I know there will come a time. But it needs to be His time.
I wonder when my King will return to take me to that special ball where I will be perfect. That makes me smile just thinking about it. I bet I won't be complaining about what size I am!
When will I get it? Hm, good question. Tomorrow? That would be just fine with me.
One thing is for sure. God sure has surrounded me with amazing people who have supported me and helped me through this long struggle of getting rid of E.D. That is such an amazing gift from Him. There is no way I would have made it this far on my own.
God is good! WHEN? All the time, God is good!
God bless you!
Jenny
