What's in a name?

So what is with the name of my blog anyway? Is it because I think that what I write is so incredible it should be treated as a jewel? HAH! Hardly!

Let me explain it this way. I am a Princess! And princesses where Tiara's on their head, right? And what are tiara's made of? Jewels, of course (well, real ones anyway, unlike the ones I have bought from the dollar store for my daughter.) And I believe that everything God brings me through in my life is another jewel added to my tiara.

What was that? Are you seriously questioning the fact that I am a princess? Do you not know who I am? I am a daughter of the almighty King!!! And that, my friends, makes me a princess!


Why is it that in every movie or story, the Princess is always drop dead gorgeous? Why?

One of the trials that God has brought me through, or should I say, is bringing me through is my struggle with an eating disorder. Yup, you read right, I have an eating disorder. Whew! I said it. Too bad that didn't just magically take it away. Hey, I said I am a princess, but give me a break, I don't have magical powers with that title!

This has been an area that I have questioned God a lot in. Why did I have to go through this? Isn't this something teenage girls go through, not grown women? On the contrary, eating disorders are very common among women my age, something I had no idea about.

When I sit and reflect on why, I believe it has everything to do with me, not God. The person I started seeing in the mirror was someone I hated, not God's princess. "Why am I so ugly?" "Why am I so fat?" "Why is everyone else so much prettier than I am?" I began to be consumed by these thoughts. Yes, I do believe that the devil had a huge part in this. After all, he knows our weaknesses, and I was a huge weakness to myself. I started comparing myself to everyone else around me. "Look at that mom, she is so skinny!" "Good grief, she had 4 kids too, and look at her!" And from there I went to magazines. Do you realize how many skinny moms are in magazines, especially parenting magazines? UUGGG! So I got caught up in making myself look like all the other women I saw, and who I thought I needed to look like. And with my focus on myself, my focus on God and everyone else around me diminished. I became obsessed with what I ate (or didn't eat). I weighed myself every single day, and if I gained even a pound, I was very careful what I ate that day. I was VERY diligent in exercising, and when I felt like I ate too much, I would exercise even more. To be honest, I was feeling really good. I loved it when people gave me compliments. But I started feeding on those compliments (no pun intented). When people stopped giving me compliments, I took that as a "sign" that I was getting fat, and needed to loose more weight. There was one Sunday at church where a lady told me that her husband was wondering if I was sick. That was the greatest compliment ever. I know, eating disorders have a way of distorting everything, and I mean everything!

I have had to learn to let go of all those lies. I have had to run back into my Fathers arms. I have had to succumb to medication, which I vowed I would never do. I have needed the help of an amazing Christian counselor, and still do. This is all still a work in progress. God is still working on me and bringing me through. It is a battle that is far from being over. In fact, today was one of those "not so good days". But every day is just one step closer to being done with ED (get it, Eating Disorder? I was getting sick of typing that out every time.)


So there you have it, well, a glimpse anyway. Obviously through my postings you will learn a lot more. Sorry! But like I said earlier, I am just being open and honest.