Tarnished Tiara

Today we celebrated my daughters 12th birthday. Our oldest child, our only girl. Someone please tell me where in the world the past 12 years went? What happened to my little pig-tailed girl running around in cute little outfits with matching socks and hair bows? I'll tell you what happened. The little pig-tails have now turned into a ponytail with a head band. The cute little outfits have turned into adorable, expensive outfits. And heaven forbid they have matching socks or even a hairbow! Those cute, squeezable cheeks now don make-up and zits. And what is with the hormonal attitude????? One minute she's laughing, then all of a sudden she is yelling at her brothers, and then, poof, she's crying. OVER WHAT??????? But one thing is for sure. She is absolutely beautiful. In fact, she is stunning!
When I first started my blog, she wanted to read it. I told her no. I never have told her anything about my eating disorder. I always tried to keep it from her. She didn't need to know that. Why? Because that would make me imperfect in her eyes. When Beth was born, the minute the doctor said it was a girl, I made it my life mission to be the best mom to her ever. Since my mom and I had no real relationship, I knew this must be God's way of allowing me that chance to have that mother/daughter relationship I always dreamed of. Right? So why should she have to know about this? Her persistence paid off on her end. I was so frustrated with her nagging me I gave in. I said "fine, read it", and walked away. No longer was I "perfect" in her eyes. She was now finding out the truth. Just like all of you who read this.
So what's the big deal anyway? Everyone knows I'm not perfect. And why would I want my daughter to think I'm perfect? I mean, really! Do I want her to be struggling with something and not want to come to me because I'm "perfect"? Absolutely not! That's not me. I'm real. Whether you like it or not. I'm flawed. My tiara is tarnished. Or is it? Just when I start to think that I am not worth much, my King, my Papa, gently reminds me just how beautiful I am to Him. All of a sudden, my tiara isn't tarnished anymore. In fact, it's gleaming.
How do I make sure Beth knows she is beautiful? How do I make sure all the women in my life know they are beautiful. My sister-in-laws, my cousins, my aunts, my sisters in Christ, my mom-in-law.....my mom? A couple of months ago, I swallowed my pride and took my mom out for lunch. I wanted her to explain more of her childhood. Maybe it would help me understand her addiction more. I told her I thought she was beautiful. I meant it. She said no one ever told her that before. If someone would have told her, everyday, that she was beautiful, would that have made a difference in her life? Would she not have become addicted to pills? Jim tells me everyday that I am beautiful. I have a hard time believing this, but is that what has helped me overcome my eating disorder? Maybe.
Maybe us women need to start telling each other, everyday, just how beautiful we are. You know what kind of an impact the media has on us women with what we should look like. If we could see each other for who we really are, for the beautiful women that we are,even with all our flaws, then the media wouldn't stand a chance with us! Now there's a thought!
God bless you!